I don't know about you, but I am seeing a lot of info on things like narcissism and other personality disorders. It's everywhere from Facebook to conversation with your best friend.

I myself have definitely bought into the hype.

Very recently I decided it's time to take a step back, do some thinking and see my part .

You see, my last ex and even my current relationship have been full of challenges. Alcohol and drug addiction have played a part. But as I read some of the above mentioned articles I could see similarities in the behaviors mentioned and the people in my life. Perfect! I say to myself, I have a label for their bad behavior and it's obviously not my fault! (deep sigh of relief)

However, the truth is we really need to look in the mirror at all times in our lives.
In my not so humble opinion too many people are using these theories and labels to let themselves off the hook. Although, sadly we are never "off the hook" . All that happens is we move from partner to partner always finding something drastically wrong and then we end up alone again, licking our wounds. You see, no matter how we look at it...your reaction is ALWAYS your "fault"

Those of you out there who have been through a relationship with a true narcissist, please understand that I am not speaking of you. These are special cases and the outcome is always very sad. I have at least one person close to me that I believe truly had this experience and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Someone with a personality disorder such as this can leave you a shadow of your former self.
However, for a large part of society this is not the situation. Let's look at this ...

Your mate does something that cuts you to the core. Was it really catastrophic? Or did it trigger a past hurt in you that made it feel that way to you? Maybe your expectations were not as clear as you thought they were? Maybe your perception of the situation was not what they intended at all?
Now those above mentioned things can happen in any relationship. It's when they are done to be manipulative, controlling and preformed with malice that we possibly see a personality disorder rearing it's ugly head.
My point in all this is that as much as I would love to believe that my ex is a horrible person, the truth is probably that he is not. Not the right person for me maybe, a jerk...? Far from perfect, but not broken beyond repair either. Possibly the right person for someone out there...just as he is.
So if you are struggling in your relationship or maybe in finding one to begin with. Maybe it's time to take a deeper look within. Did your reaction fit the situation? Is it possible that there is a backstory even you don't understand at this point? I'm not saying that you need to blame yourself for everything, or that you haven't had jerks in your life(male and female.)

But the simple truth is that if you can see each situation in your life as just a fact and remove the many layers of emotion (past situation, current hurt, future fear)

You WILL be happier, stronger and better equipped to handle the day to day challenges that ALL relationships present.

Julie Turner

Inner Conflict

Julie Turner

Information

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